Early midlife crisis???

I have loads to be getting on with today, but have the overwhelming urge to blog, so here goes it will be a long one....

I am 28, but I feel like I have lived the life of a forty year old. I have moved home 16 times (I'm not a gypsy, my parents moved quite a bit, plus I have rented homes which have had short contracts) I have had 3 children, 7 miscarriages including one almost fatal ectopic pregnancy, I have been divorced, married twice, had a hysterectomy and 3 blood transfusions, I have worked continously since leaving college (apart from now that I'm at university) and had cosmetic surgery. It amazes me sometimes how much I have done at such a young age. I have this almighty fear of ageing, I think so far I have been quite lucky, I look younger than I am, (I think) and thankfully have not gone grey.I think my mother must have passed down good genes as she is 50 now but looks about 38.

I'm worried one morning I will wake up and all the stress and worry will have formed deep wrinkles, liver spots and grey hair. I think this is why I am always trying different diets ( I'm on the slimfast one currently, on Friday I will probably be on the cabbage soup diet) and probably why I am always dyeing my hair. I am surprised my hair has not fell out, I have at some point since the age of 13 had pretty much every colour there is. except pink.

I have done everything that is bad for me, I drink, I smoke, when I was younger I dabbled a bit with drugs, but I have NO regrets, I have seen too many people I love die before their time, and almost all of them have said before they died I wish I had done this/that/ tried this/ said this etc. I worry about money constantly, but over the weekend (which was a very very expensive trip to Blackpool) I realised that money does not matter, I can't take it with me when I go, and seeing the smiles on my children's faces was (without trying to sound like the Maestro or Barclaycard advert) priceless.

Another fear of mine is that my husband (who is absolutely gorgeous, and ex army so physically strong and fit) will trade me in for a younger/thinner/blonder model. I sometimes wonder what the hell he sees in me, I'm only three years older than him, but I came with baggage (children, plus a saggy stomach which carried the children). He could do much better than me, and he has, his ex girlfriends are in my opinion much better looking than me. So maybe it's my personality that attracted him, although that is debateable too.

On a completely different topic, there are a few things I have never tried and never will. I have never shoplifted, I have never stole anything in my life (when I was in year six I took some blue tac of the teachers desk, walked down the corridor, and then consumed with guilt turned around and went crying to the teacher to confess my sin), I have never drove whilst under the influence of drink/drugs, I have NEVER claimed benefits, and that rant is saved for another day, it drives me mad when women say they can't work because they have children, I have three children yet I always managed to get off my arse and find a job!, I have never had a threesome (and now I'm married I never will) and I have never gave or received a golden shower (yuk yuk yuk how bleeding gross, why anyone would want to piss on someone else is beyond me).

Anyway, I am going to end here. I have a birthday present to wrap for my nephew, I have washing and ironing to do, and shopping to put away.

I think the moral of this tale is, live your life, try new things, have no regrets. I know I need to follow my own advice, I worry a lot, but hey I'm a parent that is my job! Those of you who are young and child free enjoy every last second of it. Those of you who are parents, embrace every moment of your childs life, they are worth every hard earned penny you spend on them.

Have a good Monday night everyone xx