Thursday 25 February 2010

On shit writing

I am a shit writer. Most of you may think I am fishing for compliments here. I'm not believe me, I really am shit. I have lost the will to live lately writing this fucking 3000 word short story. I hate the way I write, when I read my stories back they always seem to be a mixture of styles. My narrators voice changes from snooty to commoner, I don't use punctuation properly and I can't write dialogue very well either.


I can either accept that I am a shit writer, or I can work hard and one day be an average writer. Then one day I might find I have become a good writer. The problem is I am a perfectionist. I think that everything I attempt could have been done better. I could have planned my wedding better, I could have written my first year poetry essay better, I could have made last nights dinner better and so on and so forth.

I really want a 2.1 for my degree.The world won't end if I don't get a 2.1 but it is important to me.These past eighteen months I have worked harder than I have ever needed to in my entire life. I need to know my efforts have been worth it. Of course the problem is the pressure I am putting on myself to get a 2.1. For example I feel guilty if I watch TV because instead I could be doing uni work. If I haven't done 2 or 3 hours of uni work a day I feel bad.

Sounds a bit like OCD? Yeah I think so. Some people have anorexia, some people are bullimic, I think I have over acheivertitus. I really need to calm it down but I don't know how.

Wow, rather a  deep and personal post today, I apologise. Please don't move up the corridor when you see me at uni guys! I know I sound like a complete nut job at the moment, but deep down some sanity still remains.

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